Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
