Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
