The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
