Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
