I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
