Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
