Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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