i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
