i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it penis luge time yet?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
