my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
