if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
