Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
