I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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