I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
