Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
