just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dignity is for republicans.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
