There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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