doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
