nut hugger
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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