Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
