I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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