I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
