Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
