So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
