I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
