My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
