just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
