Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
