once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
