marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
