Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
