I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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