i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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