Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
