It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
