After last night, I could never be a politician.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
