I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this hospital has no fireball
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
