Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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