i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
