We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
