I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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