Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
