I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
