You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He shit in the fireplace
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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