Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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