Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
