Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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