I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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