I'm lost and stupid without you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
