The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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