When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
