Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
